Lawyers should no longer see themselves as trading on trust, intellect, and reputation. They’re trading relationships.
I coach lawyers turn potential into performance. These days, every law firm wants the same thing. To nurture a rainmaker mindset. Sure, they want the best calibre legal minds. But that’s entry-level stuff. Firms want lawyers who can build relationships, win clients, and grow business from the front line.
Here’s the problem. That requires a sales mindset. And if there’s one topic that consistently stirs debate among lawyers, it’s the idea of “sales”. Too many lawyers still believe they’re selling expertise and prestige, propped up by firm reputation. That might’ve worked in the eighties, but not anymore.
Sales is now a non-negotiable for any lawyer aiming to perform at the highest level. It’s time to rethink what selling really means and how lawyers actually do it.
What do lawyers sell?
Lawyers don’t sell time. They don’t sell solutions. Yes, both are relevant. Lawyers sell the most valued commodity of them all. Relationships. Think about it. When was the last time you made a significant purchase from someone you didn’t like or trust?
When I work with law firms on elevating their approach to business development, I coach them first on the psychology of selling, not the sales process. Then, I coach them on relationship building.
When it comes to selling, lawyers often get caught up in presenting the nuts and bolts of their services, like office locations or the credentials of their global teams. Rational stuff. Except most purchasing decisions are made based on emotional factors. People might justify with logic, but they buy with feelings. Lawyers who master connection master conversion.
Before any client instructs a lawyer, they’re subconsciously asking two fundamental questions:• Will you be there for me?
• Have you got my back?
Answer those convincingly, and you’re halfway to becoming a rainmaker. (Failure to answer these questions is also some of the main reasons why clients leave law firms. Not fees).
The Killer Questions: Lessons from Couples Therapy
Relationship therapists often use a simple acronym from EFT therapy — A.R.E. — to help couples understand emotional presence. It’s also an effective way for lawyers to think about what great client relationships really look like:
A = Accessible. If I reach for you, will you be there? Can I depend on you to make me a priority?
R = Responsiveness. Can I count on you to respond to my needs? Will you tune into my feelings? Will you empathise with me?
E = Engagement. Are you interested, curious and drawn to me? Will you keep me close? Will you listen to my feelings and allow yourself to be affected by them?
Our clients are human beings turning to their lawyers for meaningful, professional relationships.
The Lawyer Mindset Shift
Lawyers should no longer see themselves as trading on trust, intellect, and reputation alone. They’re trading relationships. Let’s be honest. Most lawyers aren’t exactly wired for emotional connection. Many are risk-averse, analytical, and trained to stay detached. But real client relationships require vulnerability. Curiosity. Empathy. As lawyers re-think sales, building their EQ and relationship-building skills is essential.
Find Your Client Tribe
One of the biggest unlocks I see is when lawyers stop trying to appeal to everyone in a desperate attempt to originate revenue from anywhere and everywhere. I invite those lawyers to find their people. The ones who get them. Your perfect clients are out there; you just have to connect with them.
The Art of the Deal
Forgive my phrasing here, but how many lawyers graduate from law school having truly mastered the art of the deal?
Lawyers aren’t taught how to sell. Law schools still focus on legal knowledge and technical prowess and ignore business development. Most new lawyers join firms expecting to be fed work. That “feed me” mindset quickly hardens into a belief that doing good work is enough to attract clients. It’s a dangerous, limiting belief.
Sometimes, You Just Have to Ask
I recently worked with a partner who landed a major new client after attending one of our leadership programmes. The win was impressive, sure. But what really stood out? The partner had learnt to ask for the business.
That’s it. No elaborate pitch. No glossy decks. Just a well-timed, confident ask. In a profession where “asking” often feels awkward or inappropriate, I encourage lawyers to focus on building meaningful relationships because strong relationships make the ask a natural next step.
Rethinking Sales in Law
Selling isn’t about being slick. It’s about being present. It’s about leading with empathy, building trust, and having the courage to ask.
Lawyers can’t afford to treat business development as an optional extra. In today’s market, every lawyer, from associate to equity partner, needs to be in the relationship business.
Sales isn’t beneath you. It’s what will elevate you. Great work might earn respect. Great relationships win business. And think about this. Lawyers are fortunate. They’re selling something which AI will never replace. Human connection.
This article first appeared in ALM Law.Com
